My struggle with opiates began when I was 18. I started with Percocet. I hated them the first time I took them. I never really got into pot or speed, although I did enjoy taking mescaline. Even though I was very sick the first time I took a perk, I tried them again and again and again. I loved them. Eventually I graduated to heroin and it has been downhill ever since.

My first time on methadone was 13 years ago. You see, I went into a detox to get of off the sh** and I found out I was five months pregnant. You are probably thinking how could she not know she was pregnant. I didn't know. I never got my period when I used heroin, and I did not put on weight or anything else that comes with being pregnant. When the clinic found out I was pregnant, they threw me out.

They said they could not be responsible for me and my unborn child. However, they did help me get on a clinic for pregnant woman, which I did and that was my first time being on methadone.

I was scared to death. I already had two children at home, who, while I was pregnant, never even took an aspirin. I had no idea what I was in for, and I was scared. But, I went through every test they had to find out if my baby was okay. All the tests came back that he was fine. He is a wonderful child, I love him to death. But I must admit, when he was born, I was afraid to look at him. I asked my husband if he was okay, and physically, he was. He did have to detox. It took 28 days before I could take him home and while he was in the hospital, so was I. Thankfully David was at home with our other kids.

I don't know what sets me off and why it does. What I do know is if methadone had not been available for me, I'd more likely than not, be dead. This is my 4th time on the clinic and I am glad I'm back. I do very well on methadone, I always receive take-homes and I follow all of the programs rules and regulations.

For me, it is a life saver. Not only for me, for my family, also. I am fighting to regain custody of my children who range in age from 16-8 and I will never stop fighting until we are a family again. I have a very supportive family and my kids are happy I'm back on the clinic. I am very lucky to have what I have and I am not willing to give it up for anybody.

I know I have a disease, and I also know I need to take medication for that disease everyday. If I have to do it for the rest of my life, I will. I explained it to my lawyer this way. If I was a diabetic and needed to have insulin everyday, would you shun me? Of course not, but, he said there is a big difference between being a diabetic or being an addict. I don't think there is. I have a DISEASE and I need to take my medicine daily, if I don't I could go out and get a bag or two of dope and I could die.

So, remember, we have an illness not a character flaw. (I've heard addiction being described as a flaw -- imagine that.) None of us woke up one morning and said "Gee, I have nothing to do today I think I'll go out and start working towards becoming a drug addict." It does not work that way. We are human being, with a disease that can kill us.

EDUCATION is the key to this. We need to educate as many people as we can and that is what I am trying to do here. I am trying to start a group for people on methadone. We are shunned and judged at NA/AA meetings so I am trying to start a meeting in my area for those of us on methadone.

That is about all I have to say, thank you for listening.

Debbie G.