Deborah McDowell-Little
February 5, 1955 - November 12, 2001
Deb was such a good friend to all of us. Her loyalty, her wit, her succinct posts -- peppered with logic and common sense are just a very few of her attributes.
Her greatest attribute was the ability to love people and to show it to them. I never once wrote her that she didn't reply with just a few words of endearment that made me feel very special.
She leaves behind Melissa, Melinda and a son. I don't remember his name. He is the one she lost. So she didn't talk about him as much as she did the girls. It hurt. She gave them wonderfully dignified middle names, like maiden aunts. I will have to ask Melissa and let you know.
She also leaves behind two wonderful parents who loved her dearly, Josie and Roy Hambrick. They adored Debbie. In the last year she had settled many things with Kevin, her husband. He was coming to see her more and more and took a very active part taking care of her.
The very last time I heard from her, October 22, she was quizzing me on someone flaming me on a message board we both enjoyed. She was ready to do battle in my defense. My life has been so much richer in the past two years I've known her.
Just this time last Thanksgiving, I called her on the phone. She had been cooking like crazy and was having her ex-husband, kids and some other friends and family to a huge dinner she had prepared. She had snuck off to smoke outside and called me on her cell. We laughed telling each other stories of past Thanksgivings for an hour. She was so well. This was before the dragon raised its head and before she got a flu that went into pneumonia and then left her immune system so vulnerable for an addict of whatever (the deadly pancreatic cancer).
Last time I talked to her about six weeks ago, she was too tired to laugh and our usual long conversation very quick. "I am tired," she said "But Ginger I'm going to fight until the last. I want the kids to know that I tried as hard as I could." At that time she was unable to drive any more. We ended our conversation on a trite note. No emotion -- planning to be in touch that next weekend when she would get home from treatment in Charlottesville. We never ended a conversation that abruptly. Its just that one more word would have been the finger leaving the dyke. We knew we wouldn't speak the next weekend. We knew we would never speak again.
After that I just sat in my chair and rocked for 30 minutes, trying to void my mind of everything. Trying to memorize what her voice sounded like.
Because Deb warned me not to try and detox, I don't intend to, but her compelling story is the reason that I never will. She was glad that her awful experience would never happen to any friend or acquaintance. After eight years of successful recovery, she 'forgot' she was an addict and slowly detoxed. The cravings hit her. She had also "forgotten' that the insidious disease is progressive. She was back at the same point she had left; in a year she lost her credibility, her business, her home and family. She feel into the quagmire. The monkey was screaming on her back. Thank goodness she came back. The experience made her an advocate about the health of other addicts.
We planned to spend this year's birthdays together. We were both born on February 5th. Three years apart, Deb was quick to remind me who was the youngest.
She loved music, animals, her kids, people in general, a good party, a good joke and set about every day being a good day. She had few regrets, she learned a lot from the bad times, as well as the good.
For the past several months my heart has been heavy with the inevitability of her death. Now I can let her go, she's strong, pain-free, and as close to us still as she can be. There are no physical barriers anymore, to those of us that loved her she is just behind the veil.
If you didn't know her, it was your loss. You would have liked her very much. She was blunt and honest and tenacious and full of the vigor of life. In the past few months after her prognosis, she would end her messages with "stay safe." So lets continue to do that for her, to stay as safe as we can be.
Let's not lose touch with her kids. They are the ones I worry about, Deb was a very good mother and their lives will never be the same without her.
Take care all.... And in your memory, we salute you, Deb!
- Ginger
Ginger, the words you have posted are all true and so much more. I had no idea she was that sick, she never said that much. How awful I feel now, that I wasn"t there more, is there ever enough.? Time flew so fast.!!
She was always the first, or among the first to stand up or down whichever was the " right" thing, she was just getting your divorce Deb, do you remember? You settled in so nicely, the girls back, your life back, and you shared it with us you ALWAYS had time, for all your friends. You yearned for the Ocean I remember that, and that damn alcohol that chased you constantly. How we all laughed with you and begged you to stop.
The dogs, what will the dogs do without you? I worry about me, us the friends of the Internet who love you. But what about your children, they have lost one beautiful lady, who they finally got a real chance to know and raise hell with. What will we all do,?
Please pray for us when this terrible shock has turned to pure heaven. I know they were waiting at the Pearly Gates for you,Deb.
You will never be forgotten by any who touched your life and soul.
Love, and missing you terribly,
Sue
Thank you for the wonderful qualities you kindly reminded us all about, sweet Deb.
I have only recently heard the heart breaking news. I have stayed silent until now. There are no words to describe the emptiness I felt when I heard. No words to describe the sadness I feel for all who love her, and even more so, her children.
Deb to me, was always kind, full of life, always offering me her heart and her hand. She was one of the first to approach me when finding out I tested positive for Hep C, offering me her address, her phone number, her support and her heart. She was there for me when deciding what choice to make regarding my decisions in recovery with addiction. She gave me guidance and words of wisdom, when speaking of my shameful past....encouraging me to hold my head up high. She understood, she was in the same sisterhood that I had come from. She knew, and she assured me it was alright. It was okay.
I didn't really know how to repay her for her good deeds and the love she offered me, besides being her friend when she needed one, and defending her and her right to choose on the message boards some of us shared. I enjoyed sending her an email, to remind her I cared about her, I respected her, and I admired her. She always responded with such thankfulness. She appreciated the kind words and always made sure to thank me for my time and my effort.
Gosh, I will miss her as many will. She is a true symbol of strength. Deb was a survivor in every sense of the word. She struggled through many difficult times, and she pulled through. She made the extremely difficult situations look easy. I admire her for that.
I do not regret that I didn't get a chance to say Good-bye. Good-bye is too final for me. I keep the memories of sweet Debbie, and all the wisdom and compassion she has given to me personally, deep with in my heart....
~~DEB, you will always have a place in my heart.~~
- Stacey Elise Blackburn
Deb always seemed to find a common ground with people. She could talk about anything, with anyone. She was quick to come to the defense of the underdog and had a great sense of humor, which shone through in her posts to the mailing list.
Deb loved her children, and she loved animals. She used to post amusing stories about both on our mailing list. We became familiar with the people and animals in Deb's life through her posts on the Internet. We had other things in common, too. Experiences that not many others could understand; those things that brought Deb and others in our group together.
Deb left us much too soon, and she will be missed by all of us.
- Terri
Deb's spirit reached out to me when I was in need. I never met her face to face, but Deb was a good friend and she remains my good friend. She held my hand when I needed her and still does. I love you Deb Mc.
Love Charlie
I had no idea this website was here let alone a page for Deb. I was compelled to tell my story about her as well. Although I did not have the opportunity to meet Debbie face to face we did email and IM each other several times even a week or so before she passed. I IM her and asked how she was and she said not well and too weak to talk. I think her replying back to me when she was so weak and sick tells it all. Most would have shut down the computer and not responded that meant alot to me. Although we were not as close as some of you here, I am so blessed to have meant her and be able to call her my friend. I miss you Deb.
Sherri
