My name is Dee and I live in Las Vegas, Nevada. Reading through these stories I am surprised to see the volume of people who, like myself, ended up physically dependent on opiates due to medical problems. It's one heck of a BIG SURPRISE that first day you decide you're going to stop taking the pain medication. I thought I was so smart, so educated, so AWARE of the drug culture.

In 1983, when I stopped shooting cocaine twenty times a day -- cold turkey -- I was proud to tell anyone who would listen: "I said NO, and that was that…" I was very arrogant about my ability to "walk away" from cocaine. What a joke. When I see these big dramatic productions on TV, or in mainstream films, about some reckless heroin addict, suddenly deciding to "kick," having a friend tie them up for 4 or 5 days and keep an eye on them while they detoxed, I laugh. Four or five days and we're just getting the DT party STARTED. Nurses at my clinic tell me that some people don't hit the REALLY INTENSE WITHDRAWAL PAIN for about THREE WEEKS! Yeah, THAT'S when things REALLY get rolling!

Thank God I discovered methadone. I tried VERY HARD to throw away my opiates, to go cold turkey, to be brave. My final attempt at kicking the pain pills left me laying on the bathroom floor in the mucky-muck of my own waste, reaching for a shard of glass from the water I had dropped when I hit the floor. My intention was to slash my throat and end the pain of withdrawal. It was that bad. Unfortunately, my turning to methadone treatment has been met with resistance from virtually every corner of my life... family, friends, boyfriend... I can accept that, and I had expected nothing different. I make the efforts to educate, and of course, come off sounding like a defensive addict clinging to my drug, I am sure. I couldn't care less. Only someone who has gone through the symptoms of opiate withdrawal for even just 8 hours would have something to say that I might care to hear.

The resistance I find far MORE distressing is the prejudice and discrimination I have encountered at the hands of clinic workers. Even my own clinic, which I think is the best in the world, has shown me a method of dose-capping which I never, ever would have expected from them. My primary care physician is way more concerned about methadone than any of the REAL problems that need attention. At every visit, he says, "So, are you having any success getting OFF the methadone?" My reply? "Of course not, Doctor. I told you last time. I don't plan on getting off. In fact, I plan on advocating for methadone to anyone who will listen. Please don't ask me again." But, of course he does. Still, we work to improve, we work to educate, and because of the hard work of so many, things truly are improving --- a little at a time.

Thank God for methadone. I can have a real, normal, life. Recently, one of my very well-meaning friends offered to help me kick methadone, saying, "Come on up to my place for the weekend. I'll sit up with you all night and we'll go through it together," I responded, "Do you think at the same time you could maybe get me off my insulin, and my blood pressure medication, too?" He just didn't get it.