Suburbia

My story is similar to most of yours except, I'm newer to this game than many of you. I started messing around with drugs when I was 13, I'm 21 now.

Back then It was weed and scripts- mainly muscle relaxers, barbs, etc. By age 14 I graduated to acid, telling myself you can do anything except coke and heroin. I was a Freshman in high school, very popular, and taking classes a year ahead. I was also very depressed.

I remember towards the end of my Freshman year in high school weed hit a dry spell and the only thing available was heroin, still I remained strong even though many of my friends were starting to experiment.

When school started the next fall my Sophmore year heroin was everywhere. In October there were six overdoses. Then an acquaintance of mine, a 16 yr old boy, got arrested for killing his mother, he hit her over the head with a hammer. It sounds like 'Live in the South Bronx', but, Nope...I live in a very upper middle class, quiet suburban town on Long Island where young heroin addicts run rampant.

I managed to stay away from heroin all through High School. Because of drugs, I had one friend die during High School, and one is now a human vegetable fom not getting oxygen in her soon enough. I was always searching for contentment. I didn't even need happiness, I just wanted to be content and not depressed.

I had everything; a million friends, a great boyfriend, wealthy parents who are still together, excellent grades, I was very pretty, and extremely depressed.

Graduation

After I graduated High School, my boyfriend cheated on me. That's when I started partying all the time, I went to five raves a week. I was making good money at my job, considering I was only 18 years old. I managed a store in the mall and brought home $400 a week. I fell in love with Ecstacy. It made me so happy. Its the kind of drug where I would throw up and enjoy it. In one night I would do E, K, Crystal, Glass, Morphine, dust, acid, coke b-rock, etc.

Then I started dating an old friend from High School. I knew he used to use dope and he swore he was clean, and just on the meth clinic. It soon became apparent that he wasn't. Through him I tried methadone a few times, then tried dope just to see what it was about this drug that he couldn't give up.

He didn't know I had tried it though. I called up one of my friends and she hooked me up. I loved heroin, so I broke up with him. A few months after using heroin, I was still partying with E etc. but it wasn't working for me the way it used to.

I started dating another heroin addict. He had been using for three years. I insisted he quit. He went into a detox, and stayed clean for a month. He and I got into a terrible fight with my father and that was it I did dope again. From that day on I did it every day.

At first, I really went along with my boyfriend. I wanted things to be in the open; no lies, as equals. Damn, was I stupid! In one week I went from snorting half a bag to shooting a bag a day. By the end of the month I had a six bag a day habit. After three months, I was doing 13 bags a day.

Kickin'

I knew about the sickness, but, my friends had always compared withdrawal to the flu. I didn't realize how bad it got, and how quickly it would take to start getting sick. I could no longer work, I was SO sick. I would wake up, boost CD's, VCR's, cameras, formula, do depot returns anything as long as I made $250 a day.

I bought got bundles (bundles are packages of ten $10 bags of heroin) for $80-$100. The dope from the South Bronx is extremely pure. When you mix it up it's so brown you can't even see through it. The dope I would get, is twice as pure as the dope from Brooklyn and Manhattan, and that dope is better than most other places in the country (The editor of this story also believes this to be true). You could walk down the street in the Bronx and watch empty dope bags blowin in the wind. On a warm day all you had to do was walk down the street and at least seven different people would whistle to you to get you to buy their bags...constantly giving out free samples. This dope was so strong, even though I was on 100 mgs. of methadone, I could shoot two bags and get such a rush that my stomach and teeth would burn so bad I swore my teeth were gonna pop out. I never had to worry about a spot not being open. I knew three 24-7 spots and four other ones that opened at seven and closed at 2 a.m.

My ex and I kept each other going. When we were high, we would talk about quitting, when we were sick, we would be scamming. Our day was like everyone elses; wake up, go to work (scamming), drive an hour to the Bronx, get feeling good, do some more scamming, feel real good, then usually we'd sleep out in the car out in the street in front of the house because wed nod out before we could make it inside!

I crashed my car twice when I was sick. I tend to see things especially at night when the lights play tricks on me. One of the times I swerved to avoid a little boy with a pitchfork and a haystack in the middle of the Long Island Expressway. Another time, I blacked out- which I also do when I'm sick. I never made it through the whole sickness. I couldn't take it. Once when i missed the clinic for five days, I went to the hospital (an extremely strict one that doesn't have a detox) and they medicated me without verification (my clinic was closed). That's how sick I was!

Life Preserver

The clinic has really been a lifesaver, though. I work full-time making $12.50/hr and I also go to school full-time for computer programming and website development/architecture. I haven't gotten less than an 'A'. After living on the street and dropping from a size 8 to a size 3 in one month, I don't ever want to go back there again!

It's been hard, though. I've been on the clinic almost two years now, and only recently, about two weeks ago, stopped shooting dope. I stopped since I switched to LAAM. At first I didn't like it, until I got used to it. Now I love it, and hate it both for the same reason-it won't let me get high. I recommend it highly for anyone who, like me, can't stay clean on methdone.

I want to say that my clinic is great. They encourage you to get as many increases as you need, no problems. It costs only six dollars a week and Medicaid is accepted. You can have positive opiate urines, but, they won't accept a positive coke or benzo UA. (I think after 3-5x they start detoxing you. And, even though its only six dollars a week, I've only paid once in my two yrs and haven't been bothered really at all. Medicaid also gives you free bus tokens, and pays for a taxi on Sundays. Unfortunately, this clinic rarely gives takehomes. But, they supply you with antidepressants, etc. and if you can't afford it, the Doc gets lots of free samples that he'll med you with. The nurses are great, too.

Well, now that I've written a damn book I'm gonna go. Wish me luck, I have a feeling I will need it when I start detoxing. Nothing scares me more than feeling depressed again, thinking too much, and just feeling. I know you guys know what I mean.

Even though the author of this story is very young, Watchdog hopes she doesn't jump into a detox for the wrong reasons. If it isn't broke, don't fix it!

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