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I am a victim of the story that we all share. I am a pill-head. Funny, back when I was 18, and I was a victim of a bad car accident, they gave me painkillers, in which I deemed "no way, they make me sick". I gave most of them to my neighbor. I am not sure when my addiction started exactly, only that I have been a seeker for about 12 years now. My favorite was Lorcet 10/500. Wow, how happy was I when I was high! Those little blue/green beauties made me feel so magnanimous! I never knew that I was going through withdrawals when I ran out of them, until a friend pointed out that fact. I immediately (three years later) took action and put myself into inpatient rehab at Longford. The plan worked for the most part. I still had very real pain in my lower back and especially my knees. The pain was very real. I told the rehab doctor about it, but he was useless. I tried holistic forms of relief, I went through scans and x-rays and the whole ball of wax, but there was "nothing wrong with my back or my knees", I was going to have to "deal with it". I dealt with it for about two months, I could not deal with it anymore one day and I ate some Lorcets and the pain went away for the first time in three months. Was that ever wonderful! But there I was again, argh! Before I got too out of hand, I called the clinic in my area, with the advise of my niece who let me in on her husbands problem, which was the same as mine...he is on methadone and is very happy. My friends were trying to keep me from going to the clinic, stating that I would be on it for the rest of my life, etc..... I went anyway, and I have to say it literally saved my life! I am a functioning member of society, I work, I am a grandma, I am happy!!!! So what if I have to take it forever? Who does it inconvenience, me or my friends and family? ME...and I really don't look at it as an inconvenience at all. I am a poster child for methadone actually. I am one of those rare individuals who walk around telling everyone that I am an addict on methadone, do I look like I am strung out, drooling on my couch with knots in my hair, stinking from lack of a bath, or do I look like you? I don't know what life would be like without methadone, and I don't care to find out just yet. I am looking forward to the day that my doctor can prescribe it to me, and I won't be a prisoner to a clinic who is in it only for the profit. Actually, my own doctor can prescribe it, I just haven't followed through that avenue yet, but I plan to soon. I need to make sure that I can trust myself 100%.
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