I am a 30 year old Husband of eight years and father of a six year old boy.

Looking back, I see my addiction starting to show itself when my sonwas born. My wife was prescribed Percocet for her C-Section. She used about four of them and then shelved the rest. One day after a real bad headache, I dove into them. I remember when it kicked in, I was driving on the corner of Turkeyfoot and Dixie Highway in Northern Kentucky. Pure bliss, Euphoria.

It seemed like that hole I had in my soul my entire life, that hole that caused depression, anxiety, feelings of inadequacy was finally filled up.

Around this time, I suffered a back injury, again Percocet. I had a good doctor, he kept me supplied with Vicodin and Lortab's for a while, than cut me off, I was naive, and I did not know why. I thought these pills were just like vitamins or any other medication..., but they just made you feel so damned good.

I started going to AA since I was having a problem with alcohol. You see, I was constantly detoxing (I had know idea what I was going through have you mind) so I would drink excessively to get to sleep, I could not figure out why I was not sleeping. I got a sponsor. I told him of my alcohol and drug use. He said sounds like you have a problem with drinking but not with the pills, and he proceeded to sell me Percocet. Get that, my sponsor became my drug dealer.

My 26th Birthday, I got a DUI in a company car, lost my job. I was fourdays off of any opiates. My parents freaked so they sent me to treatment in Minnesota - Hazelden. A great place.

When I got out of treatment, I was optimistic, I had a real spiritual awakening and was determined to stay clean and sober. My wife and I moved to her country of origin - Panama - to start a new beginning. I figured it would be easy to stay clean there. Funny as it was, with Colombia right next door, there was no heroin or pain killers to be found! Doctor's in Latin America do not use opiate medications for anything unless you are dying of cancer. I had a good AA home group and I stayed clean for about a year.

During this year, I couldn't help but noticing a medication in the pharmacy with the name "PARACODINA" which was a cough syrup. After a year of dry living, I got the guts to try Paracodina. Each bottle cost about $11.00 and contained about 300 mg of Dihidrodeine Bitrate. I experimented with it after researching correct dosage, it turned out to be about equivalent to codeine dosages. One bottle lasted me for a good half day. The buzz on this lasted a long time - though similar to codeine, the half life was much longer. Gradually, I worked up to 2, than 3 bottles a day.

Now get this, whenever I have been on opiates, nobody suspected anything. Not my former employer, my wife, anyone. I was not a sloppy user. I was a sloppy drinker - but not a user. I used to "feel" normal. Quite honestly, If my drug of choice was easier, cheaper, and safer to get, I would be using it. I was basically treating depression which my Antidepressant medications had failed to do.

I tried quitting on my own. I could not. I tried everything - I even started my own AA group, but I still could not quit, So I told my wife I needed help. She could not believe it...she had no clue that once again - I was hooked! Well, after I told her, that was my brake for that episode, I went into the hospital after the 2nd day due to acute withdrawal symptoms. They kept me sedated for the next 4 days. A month later, I was back using, got caught again, quit, caught again, quit and so on... I had to get out of that country, every time I passed a pharmacy, I could not resist.

Well, to make a long story short, we moved to Phoenix. Somehow, I got a pretty good job. I figure that would clean me up. But before leaving Panama, I had some dental work done and they kind of screwed up giving me terrible pain in my teeth. I went to a dentist in Phoenix who fixed me up with Percocet, and again... Bam, just like that, I was off to the races... and I found that new drug they had made while I was gone - Oxycontin. Three months later, my tolerance had grown exponentially. Yet, nobody knew I was using again. They thought I had cleaned up. I had a real dilemma. I knew I needed treatment again, but that would make me tell my wife, possibly lose my job, family, etc... the other choice was keep using and go broke, die, or worse... But I seemed to recall something about methadone. Wasn't that for Heroin Addicts only I thought? NO, I found out. I put my last $20.00 on double Zeros and went to the clinic. You know what? It worked. I am six months "clean" My wife is content. I stabilized And then told her, all was fine.

Now six months into it, I see the downside too clearly, you know, the tiredness, constipation, traveling 30 miles each day for the dose, not getting "high" anymore, but I have to remember where I came from. I am a chronic addict. I cannot stay clean. I can admit that now, but with Methadone, the impulse and compulsion to use are virtually gone.

My only suggestion is that in the beginning, it took 2 very hard weeks of getting adjusted to methadone. I had panic attacks, got sick, felt tired and like shit, but after 2 weeks, those affects went away. I think many people discontinue methadone during this hard time. Counselors don't address it too much, but it does go away. If I would have quit, I don't know where I would be now. Probably six feet under.