I always swore the one thing I'd never use was heroin...I had friends who died from overdoses and felt I was smart enough to say no. Yeah right!!

Everyone I was hanging out with at the time was using, except maybe three of my friends. One day, I tried it...I kept throwing up, and felt like crap and swore that was it for me. Two weeks later, I tried it again...and again...and again. I kept hearing about people getting addicted to it but I had no idea what addiction really was. I wasn't using very often when I started so it took awhile for me to get hooked. I was really depressed and heroin made me forget all that.

A few months later I found out I was pregnant. Not knowing what to do, not thinking clearly, being naive, I had an abortion. Until then, I had stopped using because being pregnant made me get so sick when I did. No withdrawal, dope sickness, nothing...so I thought.

After the abortion I met a guy who was on Methadone but still used. He brought me bags daily and everything was great until I woke up one morning, unable to sleep, going through withdrawal. So I call him up and he immediately takes me to get me some, makes it all better. Throughout this whole time I wasn't working so he was supporting my habit. I immediately cut off everyone who wasn't using. My mother and sister were the only two people in the world I respected and cherished and I walked out on them. I moved out with this guy, when I didn't have dope and he didn't want me using, he'd get me Xanax.

Months passed until finally I moved back home because I couldn't take it anymore. Using day in, day out, not allowed to go anywhere or speak to anyone because of him. I started babysitting for my mom's friend and stayed clean for two months. Then I got an insurance settlement from a car accident and guess who was calling me asking me to go get high again?

Again I went spiraling down until I had nothing and no one but him. I was broke again. He, of course, wasn't because he sold me his car for $1300.00. We lived at his brother's apartment, I barely weighed 90 lbs. and I found out I was pregnant again! So, immediately I call my mother crying, begging for help, scared not knowing what to do...She comes to my rescue again and pays for me to have an abortion, not knowing I've had one prior to this.

Instead of breaking up this time though, I just move home and he starts staying at a shelter. My mother finally gives him permission to move in and I'm thrilled thinking I won't get sick as often. Wrong!! He can't use anymore or he's getting thrown out of his program so he won't let me use either. No way could I stop now. The only thing I had left was the car...I started taking a friend and her boyfriend to Philadelphia everyday, I was still living in Delaware so it wasn't too far.
He sold stolen things to a storeowner and then we would go get our bags...Mine are all free for the ride up there and they give me gas money to boot! That lasts for awhile until they break up. We start stealing and pawning stuff just to get high for the day. By this time I'm shooting up. One evening, I'm home watching TV with him and I go to the bathroom to shoot up. As I'm trying to find a vein, he walks right in on me. He knew I'd been using the whole time. We fight about it, my sister and mother intervene and I sign myself into Detox. Within 24 hours I signed myself out, I couldn't take it!

The next day, I'm back using. After a few months he catches me again, this time I'm buying it instead so I try to lie my way out of it. We fight, break up and he starts packing his stuff taking it out to his car and I don't care at this point I just want him gone! After he leaves, I go out to my car and it's locked, I go to unlock it and there's no car keys on my key chain, house keys are there instead. I never got the title switched over and as soon as he saw his chance, he took my car.

I could do nothing about it. I start using my mom's car when I can, stealing it when I can't until one day I leave to go stay with a friend and his parents. I was so ashamed and depressed by now. I was stealing from my mother and my sister to support my habit. A week before Christmas I call my mom crying, begging to come home and for help getting clean. She comes and picks me up and drops me off at Detox again. This time I stay the whole five days and get out thinking I'll stay sober. I kept having anxiety attacks so my doctor prescribes me Xanax for a month. After that, he cut me off and I went back to using. A few months later I had a breakdown, I was trying to overdose myself, I couldn't take it anymore so my Mom takes me to meet up with my StepMom and that's that.

I move to Maryland to live with my father for the first time in my life. He wants to help me help myself and I'm overwhelmed with determination. We call everywhere trying to get me into a long-term rehab center but I had no money and no insurance so no one wanted to help. The next day I go to the methadone clinic. I listen and learn all about it and do my intake. My father gets me a job working with him at a marina and everything turns around. That was March 30, 2000. I never used heroin after that day. I went up to 80mgs and now I'm down to 20mgs. I go down 3/week and I don't feel a thing.