by Terri Martinez

I met Kelly when she was in her early 20's. She was from a neighboring beachside community, a tough, wise-cracking Jersey girl with red hair and freckles. She had gotten involved with a friend of my husbands, Willie, a Jersey City heroin addict, who had moved to our seashore town to try to get away from the heroin epidemic plaguing his community.

Willie was many years older than Kelly. He had been using heroin for years. Kelly had never used heroin, and had only experimented with drugs as a teenager. Willie was only the second serious boyfriend she had in her young life. She adored him. He adored her, but, they fought passionately and constantly. Two Irish tempers flared quickly and frequently. They were in love.

Willie continued to use heroin unbeknownst to Kelly. Kelly hated addicts and their lifestyle. Willie denied using heroin even when he was nodding, scratching his face, and speaking in that gravely voice heroin users know so well. Kelly believed him. After all, why would Willie choose heroin over her? She had told him she would leave him if he ever used again.

Kelly became pregnant soon after I did. My husband was in jail doing a year for a possession charge. At that time, I had not developed a serious drug problem. That was to come later. I was pregnant, I was in love. Kelly was pregnant, she was in love. Life was good. Kelly and I spent a lot of time together. We had much in common. We were both involved with heroin addicts, we were both pregnant and we were both new to the community, and didn't know others.

The days drifted by in that way days tend to do when one is pregnant. Dreams and hopes for the future. We spent days shopping for baby clothes, going to Drs. appointments, and preparing for their birth of our children. My husband remained in jail. Willie continued to use heroin. Kelly was oblivious to the cloud that threatened her world. She either didn't know Willie was still using, or chose not to recognize it.

Willie Jr. was born a month after my son. Both of the babies were chubby, little, pink bundles of sweet-smelling baby boy. We took many photos of the two of them together, dressed in cute, little outfits we had purchased on one of our many shopping trips during our pregnancies. We spent most days together, taking the babies for long walks by the beach, or just sitting around drinking tea, admiring our sons. Willie, Kelly and Baby Willie had become a family. Willie continued to use heroin while Kelly remained in the dark about his drug use.

During the last part of my pregnancy, I had started paying attention to talk of a new disease that had been discovered. A disease that Gay men and IV drug users were dying from...a disease called AIDS. I was concerned because my husband had been an IV drug user. I alerted my Obstetrician about my husband's history, and my fear of exposure. He assured me that all the publicity about AIDS was nothing but media hype. He told me this in 1984. I warned my friend, Kelly about this new disease. I told her Willie should get tested. She assured me Willie hadn't used drugs for several years, and besides, he looked healthy, he surely didn't have a disease. I suspected Willie was still using. I suggested to Kelly that she might want to consider that possibility. She became angry with me for suggesting that Willie might be deceiving her. How little we knew about the disease called AIDS back then.

When my son was four months old, his father, my husband was released from jail on an intensive supervision program. We were happy. We were in love. I stopped spending as much time with Kelly because my days were filled with being a mother to my baby, and a wife to my husband. I also returned to work. Kelly felt my husband was a bad influence on Willie. She was afraid that they would use drugs if they spent much time together. She tried to avoid us as much as possible. Ironically, my husband was giving UA's for his parole officer three to four times a week. It was one of the short periods in his life that he was not using heroin. Willie continued to use. Kelly and Willie moved to another town. We rarely saw each other.

A couple of years later, I happened to see Willie's brother in town. He told me Willie and Kelly had split up. Kelly was pregnant again. Willie was back in Jersey City, strung out on heroin, and Kelly was living with her mother in another seashore town. I felt sorry for all of them, but, didn't give it a lot of thought, as my own problems were just beginning. I missed Kelly and our friendship.

When Willie Jr. was five years old, and his baby brother was two, Kelly died of complications from AIDS. She was 27 years old. Neither one of the children have the disease. They are HIV negative. Willie exposed Kelly to AIDS. It is no mystery how he became infected. He was using dirty needles on a regular basis. Kelly never shot drugs. A friend of mine saw Willie in Brooklyn several years ago. He was copping heroin. I suppose my friend was there for that purpose also. Willie wasn't sick yet. He appeared fine. I have since moved far away from the East Coast. Many of my friends succumbed to that terrible disease, AIDS. I don't know if Willie is still alive. But...Kelly isn't. I miss her sometimes.