MMT-A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW
by Anonymous

I've been reading your website and NAMA's web pages and learned a lot of information I didn't know about MMT. I just got engaged to a man that I've been dating for about 5 years. He recently admitted to me about his addiction a year ago and it nearly tore us apart. I knew he was using "something" but I didn't know what. You know how that lifestyle is. I don't think I need to explain, but we went through some really hard times.

Last year he finally admitted to me about his addiction and I didn't know how to handle it. I think I went through all the emotions that humans are capable of exhibiting when he told me. Anger, sadness, disappointment, happiness (that he at least admitted it to me), hopelessness... all of them. But, once I got over the initial anger and resentment, I started reading and bringing information home to him.

I found out that I thought of addicts much the same way most people do. That they cannot be trusted, they are weak individuals that cannot control themselves, that they can stop if they really had the desire to and that if they believed in God, He would see them through. But as I started to learn more about addiction I realized that I was wrong about all these things. It is a disease an illness just like any other physical illness and must be treated but we didn't know what type of treatment or how to get it or if we could afford it. He could never keep a job for any length of time and all the bills fell on my shoulders. Just this fact alone put so much stress on our relationship, coupled with what he was going through with the addiction...it made for some very difficult times.

Of course, he knew about Mwthadone Maintenance Treatment, but, only from the streets. He had heard about it, but, didn't really understand what it could do for him. I just looked at it as replacing one drug for another. Truthfully I didn't want him to "get on that stuff". So he tried the groups and meetings, and of course, I couldn't go because they were "closed meetings". Occasionally I was able to go to some of the open meetings and I was appalled at some of the things people went through during their addictions. But the meetings only lasted so long and he relapsed.

He tried abstinence, but, that only lasts for so long. He did the "jail" thing, and thought since he wasn't able to use, he was clean. He did well once he got home for about four months, and I encouraged him all the way, but, as soon as trouble came, he relapsed again. It wasn't only trouble that caused it. He got a job that he had been trying to get for a while and used in order to celebrate. We had disagreements so he used to calm himself down. It seems there was always a reason, but, he was so upset about using each time. He told me every time he did it and expressed a sincere desire to stop. He would try to abstain from it but, it seemed the drug was stronger than he was. Sometimes I felt so sorry for him and so helpless, (and he felt so bad for bringing this into our relationship), sometimes when he would finally come home from one of his episodes, we would just sit and hold each other and cry. I would pray for him to stop hurting and he would pray for me to stop hurting. He would say "I love you so much I would do anything for you, including getting off this stuff. I just don't know how."

Once he completed this withdrawal phase, we looked into an MMT clinic near our house and he was placed on a waiting list. The wait was at least a month. He asked what was he supposed to do before he was admitted, and they said, "Just keep using" I couldn't believe it! So we waited. Eventually he could not stay clean and relapsed again. This on again, off again routine went on for about another six months. He finally did get called to the clinic but had to go through intake, then wait for doctor visits, then go to counseling, and on and on and on during the six months. He still had not been medicated and our lives were steadily going downhill. Me trying to work and take care of my child, while going to court for him and dealing with his issues.

Finally a one-time "get high" buddy of his stopped him in the street and told him of another clinic she started going to, that had just opened up and had about 40 slots for people that wanted to get clean. He went to the clinic with her that same day to check into it. He called me from the clinic and told me he really wanted to do this and asked if I would help him. He told me they charged $75 for the first week and $40 per week thereafter. I really had reservations about this because of the first experience and because of my feelings toward the MMT program. He didn't get angry, he didn't argue, he just said, "Please help me".

Well, I went to the clinic with him the next day and we asked many, many questions and he enrolled. This was about three months ago. It took about a week for the staff and doctors to find his maintenance dose. He had a lot of trouble sleeping and eating at first. But once he was maintained, he seemed to be doing just great. His outlook on his life has changed dramatically! He says his mind is clear and he can focus now. He says he doesn't wake up thinking about how he was going to get a way to use, where to get the money to do it, etc. and he likes not having to lie to me about it anymore.

Since he has been on MMT he is home everyday and keeps all of his appointments (probation, U/A's), he can handle having money, and I've since bought a new car! But not only did it change his attitude and outlook, it changed his physical appearance. His eyes are clear and he just looks better, (maybe "normal" is the real word I'm looking for). I know it's only been just over three months since he started treatment, but he has benefited from it already. I just can't describe the changes I've witnessed. The quality of both our lives has improved tremendously and it's like I can see some daylight at the end of the long dark tunnel we've been living in.

Seeing his progress and reading the information on your pages has really changed my outlook on this program. It saved my fiancée's life. He was bound for destruction, I was at my wits end, and he was very near to being homeless and jobless. With the success stories I read about along with his ongoing determination and dedication to the program I believe he will be a productive citizen and a good provider to me and our children.

I just needed to tell the story of an addict from the non-addict point of view. The families of addicts go through a lot as well and we have issues that need to be dealt with. So far I have not heard of any programs or groups that help the families deal with problems and emotions caused by the destructive behavior of the addicted person. As of now I am still trying to get over my feelings of distrust and disappointment and I have achieved fair success, but only because of the great improvements I've seen in him and the deep love we have for each other.

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