August 2, 2000

My name is Melissa, and I would like to share my story with you in hopes that it may help someone.

I am 32 years old and I have two wonderful children. When I was 15 years old, I got pregnant with my daughter. I had a lot of complications during the pregnancy, and was prescribed pain pills for the nine months I carried my daughter. At that time I only took them for pain and hated the feeling, because they made me sleep so much.

After my daughter was born, I was still having the same problems I had during the pregnancy, so I was still being prescribed pain medication. Over the next couple of years I slowly started to realize wow they don't make me sleepy any more. Instead, they gave me lots of energy and made me very happy.

At the age of eighteen I divorced my daughter's father because he was an alcoholic and very abusive. I probably should have never married him in the first place, because of his drinking problem, but I was young, pregnant and thought I was in love.

After the divorce, I went crazy! I partied all the time. I made a lot of mistakes I wish I could take back, butm I guess I was trying to make up for the times I missed by having a child so young. I was a very selfish person back then. Eventually, I grew up, and got my life straightened out.

I met a wonderful man who loved me and my daughter very much. He helped me to regain custody of my daughter. That was the happiest day of my life. During all of this, and over the years while we were dating, I would come across a few pain pills here and there. I could get so much accomplished while I was on the pills. My house was spotless, and work couldn't have been more fun. At the time I was a waitress so you can imagine how much money I made in tips, because the pills put me in such a good mood.

Then one day I started realizing I had to have the pills just to get out of bed. I tried many times to go Cold Turkey, but, the withdrawals were awful.

My husband and I were married for six years. The first two years were the happiest time of my life. After the second year, it started going downhill. I was spending way to much money on pills, and our marriage was headed for divorce.

We eventually divorced, and my addiction got worse. I Met another man that was addicted just like me, and we got married a year later. Was that a bad mistake! Within a year of marriage our addictions had the best of us. I guess I should tell you he had two children also from previous marriages. His oldest daughter was six at the time and she lives with her Mom but visits every weekend. His youngest daughter was 2 1/2, and her Mom was killed by a drunk driver the year before he and I met. That was another thing we had in common other than the addiction to pills. My daughter's father died when she was 10 due to alcoholism. It's very sad. He was only 29 years old when he died.

I got pregnant in January of 1998 with my husbands third child and my second. I wasn't exactly what you would call happy about the pregnancy because at the time my daughter was 14 years old and my life was pretty easy. I also had that little problem of being a pill head and knew I had to come off the pills because I didn't want to hurt my unborn child. Abortion was not even an issue because I could never, never, never kill a child, even an unborn one. I tried to quit using the pills, and thought I was successful, until I went to my first Doctor's appointment.

I told him how bad my migraines had gotten since I got pregnant. Guess what he prescribed. Lortab 7.5. I couldn't believe it. He told me that It would be OK for me to take them during my pregnancy for the headaches. Of course he didn't know I was an addict.

I continued taking the pills the whole time I was pregnant, and of course, after my beautiful son was born. I could not function without them. If I didn't have at least five Lortab 7.5 to take as soon as I got out of bed, because otherwise, I was so sick I would start throwing up.

It was so hard taking care of my newborn son when I was in withdrawals. The problem was so bad for my husband and I, that we had to spend every dime we got on pills. Luckily my son was on WIC and that supplied all his formula. Don't get me wrong, my children would have never gone hungry because of our addiction, we just never bought the extra stuff you like to get for your children.

We never took them anywhere mainly because I couldn't go too far from the phone, because I might miss one of those important phone calls. Uou know the one's that said, "We got our refill, how many do you want?". I got so depressed because we were broke all the time. I couldn't even spend any money for a new pacifier for my son.

I don't know what happened, but, one day I realized my problem had gone too far! I was taking up to 15 pills at one time, and taking that many every two to three3 hours. I'm lucky to still be alive. I told my husband I was going to call the methadone clinic to get some information and he agreed.

I called the same day, and they told me that I would have to come in on Tuesday to fill out the paper work and then go two days without taking anything, so I could be in full withdrawals to see the doctor on Friday. I almost didn't go because of not being able to take anything for two days. How was I gonna be able to take care of my son being as sick as I would be? I told my self it would be hard but I'm gonna do it because it would be worth it in the end.

I am so glad my husband and I went through with it. It has changed our lives completely. We went from spending $2000.00 a month to paying the clinic $600.00 a month for both of us. Since we have been on the MMT program, neither of us have taken another pill and we haven't even had the urge to do so. It has changed our lives from the very first day we went there. Now we take our children on vacations, and we are able to not only buy them the things they need. We're also able to buy the little extra stuff the don't really need, but, deserve.

It feels so good to be able to lay in the floor and play with my son. I couldn't do it before unless I had enough pills to take to keep me from being in withdrawals. My children are my life and it was killing me to know that my addiction was taking so much from them. I've learned through my counselor and through my group meetings that no matter how much you love your children, addiction is a very powerful thing and it will make you do things you wouldn't normally do even ignore you children's needs. It doesn't mean you love your children any less, you're just not able to show that love or even give that love because of the addiction.

It took me a long time to forgive myself for what I done to my children, but, they sure know now Mommy loves them more than life, and I'll never let them down again.

Back to Stories