October 2, 2000

I have read the many stories on this page and finally my thoughts clear enough to post my own story.

I believe that I have been an addict all of my life. Starting at 13 with marijuana and quickly progressing to all types of halicinagentics and speed. I had never tried opiates until much later in life. Of course, I was also heavily into alcohol. I graduated from high school, got married and had two lovely children. during that time I was clean, I even stopped smoking, although still a social drinker. then came the divorce and after that it was all down hill.

I took crank at my prestigous job, (to be more accomplished) as did almost half of the staff. Then at night we were all off to the bar until closing time . then it was back to more crank to get going for work. none of the upper management ever suspected, and I flourished at this job. We had also been selling, cocaine that was shipped to us from mexico, to help with costs. I never found that to be my drug of choice.

I met the man then who turned me on and turned me out. I found that heroin was the king of all drugs and loved it. Men were easy marks to get enough money for me to keep myself, my man and the guy who had to cop for us going well in drugs. unfortunately, the guys also got a taste for crack and that was much more expensive. I had to be on the streets twice as long.

I had no idea that there was methadone clinics to help me. I lived in Oakland, CA, where there are several, but of course my buddies were never going to tell me that there was a way out of this hell. I had been through it all, sleeping in bushes, out all night, trying to make enough for a wake up bag.

Finally, one of the men I "dated" took me to methadone. of course the first few days were awful because I had such a bad habit. I ran away from that whole scene, but eventually another of my Johns literally took me off the streets, got me enough drugs to drive me across the country, and get me to a methadone clinic.

After the first few weeks though, he didn't see why I should have to remain on the methadone and refused to take me there any more.

I found out that I could take prescription drugs and still feel at ease, which I did for several years. I am still married to that same man, (it's been ten years) but, I finally told him that I could no longer run from doctor to doctor. He has become very ill and has had to take many medications. I told him that my taking my methadone every day is like his having to take his insulin every day.

The clinic I go to now is wonderful and I feel that methadone has saved my life. I am a full time caregiver to my husband who has kidney failure plus work full time at a nice job. if it weren't for the methadone, I would be into all of his drugs, which he really needs for his constant pain.

I am finally getting into the counseling and group sessions as I never had any counseling about drug use, just that the drugs were unavailable to me. I have lost several homes, my children, my self asteem and all my previous friends. , but I am rebuilding and am doing everything I can to follow the rules. I do no feel that however I will ever be able to detox off of methadone. for me methadone is the only way I can function.

Back to Stories