July 28, 2000

This is one of those rare times I am not even sure where to begin. I once thought of myself as a success story not realizing that once an addict, always an addict, and it has really hit home with a vengeance.

I am 43 years old now, but when I was 21, after experimenting with every drug known to mankind, my drug of choice became Heroin. Of course, I started with snorting (I was never going to shoot), and of course I than graduated to shooting. Money was no object as the local dealer was my boyfriend. So, I never had to engage in illegal activities or wonder where my next fix was going to come from. There were a couple of dry spells of course when I found out what being "sick" was all about.

I had two beautiful daughters at the time, who knew I had to go to the kitchen by myself every morning before I could fix their breakfast, for my a.m. fix.

Then one night after shooting speed balls (heroin and coke mixed), I thought I was going to die. I remember going outside and praying, "God get me through this and I swear to you I am done!" I had heard about a local methadone clinic and went for an appointment.

I had to go 24 hours without heroin for my sick appointment. I had my dealer boyfriend take me. I never wanted to go through that again. I just wanted to feel normal like everyone else does in the morning, without using.

They accepted me into the program, and I cut off all ties to my junkie "friends." I was on the program for three years with not one dirty U. A. I never used again, nor was I tempted. It took away all my cravings! After three years, I asked to be slowly detoxed, which I was. I never felt a sick day through it all.

My clinic was so wonderful and my counselor gave me a graduation cake and they all congratulated me. Of course, I cried!

After my "graduation", I went on to have three more children, became an Emergency Medical Technician and a Certified Medical Assistant. I only drank coffee for my a.m. fix.

Well, guess what? I am now back on Methadone. Not from heroin. but. from pain medication. That's what I mean about 'once an addict always an addict'. My husband became addicted to paid meds and before long I was taking them also. Oh, at first just for a stress reliever, and before long I was doctor-hopping and going through the wonderful cycle of drug hunting again.

Where I live heroin use is rampant, but, I wasn't going back there, and pills are sometimes very hard to come by. So, I am back on the methadone. No more doctor-hopping, etc. I credit Methadone for saving my life once, and now for getting me off that dead end cycle.

I believe my husband should stay on methadone as long as he needs to, if that means a lifetime. For myself, it is a stepping stone to getting clean and sober once again. Having the option of the clinics and the methadone saves lives and stops a lot of illegal activities. I hope this story helps someone.

Vickie